Blackbird Read online

  “Matt!” I dropped my backpack near the front door and thumped through our house. “Matt!”

  Suddenly cold water was shooting into my face, delivered by a Super Soaker. Matt’s accompanying laugh caused my blood to boil. “You asshole!” I yelled, charging after him as he ducked out the back door. Sometimes I wondered who was the older sibling. Matt was twelve and I was ten, but he was beyond emotionally stunted. “I’m going to kill you!” I didn’t have time for his immature antics. I was supposed to be at Jessica’s house in a mere half hour so we could talk about what had happened with my crush David at school today. I was just supposed to tell Matt where I was going so mama would know when she got home. Notes had a habit of getting lost in our house.

  “MATT!” I screeched. I opened my mouth again to say something that would have me putting most of my allowance in the swear jar if my mama heard, but stopped short. Matt wasn’t alone. I watched in utter fascination as a boy I’d never seen before shot Matt in the face with a different Super Soaker. When the two of them were empty they both finally noticed me.

  “What is it, Kyle?” Matt rolled his eyes with annoyance.

  “Oh, um…who’s your new friend?” I shifted from foot to foot and smiled shyly.

  “None of your—”

  “I’m Noah,” the super cute friend of my brother said, smiling. His grin stretched a tiny scar on his chin that immediately reminded me of Han Solo. Dark hair fell over one pale blue eye and I nearly swooned. I’d never seen someone in real life so good looking. Noah could be up on my bedroom wall along side some of my favorite celebrity crushes. “I just moved here from Alabama.” He had a slight drawl to his voice, a different sounding southern accent than I was used to, a lot more pronounced. I decided instantly that I could listen to him talk all day.

  Matt sighed. “You don’t have to tell her anything. She’s just my stupid little sister.”

  “It’s Kylie, not Kyle,” I said, annoyed even more with Matt for using my old nickname. When I was younger I’d wanted to be one of the boys…well until I really started noticing the boys. Then it was the last thing I wanted to be. “And I’m not the stupid one.” I stuck my tongue out at Matt and quickly retracted it, wincing.

  “Whatever,” Matt mumbled as he took off to reload his Super Soaker.

  Noah lingered a moment. “ I kinda like Kyle. I never met a girl with a boy’s name before.” With that he was off in the same direction Matt had gone.

  I stared after him and twirled my hair. Change of plans. I was going to have to let Jessica know I wouldn’t be coming over after all. I had a new crush on an older, much cuter boy. One with a deep southern drawl and the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. Maybe he would give me my first kiss?

  “Kyle, darlin’.” Noah’s deep voice washed over me, pulling me from our shared past. “Where’ve you gone?”

  “I—I was just remembering the first time I ever saw you,” I replied before I thought better of it. It wasn’t a good idea to let him think there could ever be anything between us again. He’d shattered my heart and I was beyond repair. Lord only knew how I’d tried to move on. The problem was that no one could ever compare to Noah James. So I’d finally given up.

  Noah’s full lips tipped up into a small smile as his eyes brightened. “What were you, about ten?” He nodded slowly. “And I was twelve.”

  “Yeah.”

  “You already had quite the mouth on you, if I recall. And you fell head over heels in love with me just like that.” He snapped his fingers, chuckling, mirth making his eyes dance. “You used to follow me ‘round like a little lost puppy.”

  “I did not,” I growled, hoisting myself to my feet. My lower lip trembled as I reigned in my temper. “I think it’s time for you to leave. Whatever it is you have to say to me can wait until the morning.”

  Noah’s gaze drifted down my body, and then back up again to linger on my thin tank top and braless breasts. I crossed my arms over my chest self-consciously, even as my nipples hardened. It’d been close to a decade since he’d seen me naked. Things changed, and not always for the better. Unlike a man, I wasn’t getting better with age. I was simply aging, something I was reminded of daily in the tabloids and online gossip sites. Even if I was willing to go there, I wasn’t so sure Noah would want me anymore. That thought made me feel like a boa constrictor was squeezing my heart. “Noah, please.” My voice cracked with vulnerability, which I hated.

  His heated gaze darted back up to my face, and cooled noticeably. A storm of emotions rolled through his azure eyes, darkening them once again. “Breakfast?”

  I nodded, unable to speak. My entire body yearned for me to go to him…but I couldn’t. Never again. I still loved him but I wasn’t a masochist.

  “All right. I’ll see you in the mornin’ then.”

  I didn’t watch him leave. When the door to my suite clicked shut I heaved a huge sigh of relief and sank down into the plush couch. I knew I wouldn’t be getting any sleep so I picked up my guitar and began to strum.

  I played his song until my voice went hoarse.

  4

  ~Kylie

  I dozed off at some point, dreams of Noah encircling me in a hazy mist of yearning. If only in real life he could be the man that he used to be. The man who I’d pledged my life to…the man I’d called my husband. I never bothered to change my last name back after our divorce. I told myself it was because I was already becoming known within the country music scene, but the truth was that I couldn’t take that last step. I couldn’t let our life together go, at least not all the way.

  I blinked open sleep encrusted eyes, and rolled my head trying to get my neck to pop into place. I had a killer crick in it from falling asleep at an awkward angle on the couch. Stretching, I stood slowly, surveying the ruins of my hotel room. Crumpled paper strewn about, empty beer bottles sitting on any available flat surface, a bottle of pills open with the contents spilled across the table, and a half eaten pizza all served as evidence of my late night writing session slash pity party. I glanced at the clock and startled. It was already seven a.m. Noah would be showing up for breakfast soon. He’d never actually said what time he’d be back but I knew he was an early riser. I had to get ready fast. And I had to clean up. I could picture Noah’s disapproving expression if he saw what I’d gotten up to last night after he’d left.

  Just then a sharp rap sounded on the main door. I groaned. It was as if thinking about Noah had conjured him. Before I had time to react, Noah was already entering my suite pushing a food cart. “Mornin’,” he rumbled. “I brought—” He stopped short as his gaze darted over everything I hadn’t wanted him to see, myself pre-shower included. I winced waiting for his reaction. He sighed heavily and scrubbed a hand down his face. “You forget I was comin’?”

  “I—well—” I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands. Why was I acting like I had anything to prove to him? We weren’t together anymore and I shouldn’t care what he thought of me. He was only back in my life to do a job. That was it. “No. I just woke up. What did you bring for breakfast?” I delivered him a lazy smile filled with arrogance. You work for me. I don’t care what you think about my life or any of my bad habits. Not anymore.

  The muscles in Noah’s chiseled jaw rippled as he ground his teeth together. “I brought all your favorites.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “Maybe my favorites have changed.”

  “I doubt it, darlin’.” His dark gaze rose to mine with challenge. My gut tightened and I had a sudden feeling he wasn’t talking about food anymore.

  I motioned for him to bring the cart over to the large table by the balcony. He placed the covered trays in front of me in silence. I took the plastic off of a glass of orange juice and chugged it. “So, what’s so important that you need to talk to me about?”

  “Since when did you start mixin’ pills and alcohol?” Noah demanded, his voice tight with barely controlled rage.

  “None of your business,” I snapped.

  Noah cross
ed to me, his large rough hands lifting me from my seat, digging into my bare flesh. “It is my business. I never stopped—carin’ ‘bout you, Kyle.”

  I snorted. “Yeah? You have a funny way of showing it.”

  We stared each other down for a few moments before he released me and I slumped back into my seat. My stomach roiled from the abrupt movement. Sudden nausea over took me and I made a mad dash for the bathroom, upchucking everything I’d ingested in the last few hours, pills and pizza included. It was not a pretty sight. Sweat trickled down my temples and I groaned as I leaned against the toilet seat. My head was pounding in time with my pulse and I was trembling.

  “Christ,” Noah rasped from the doorway. “Should I be worried? What all did you mix together?”

  I rested my forehead against my arm and closed my eyes. “It doesn’t matter,” I mumbled. “Everything just came right back up.”

  I heard a string of obscenities fly out of Noah’s mouth as he stormed into the other room. I didn’t have to ask. I knew he was checking the pill bottle. “Lorazepam? What the hell is this stuff for?”

  “It’s for anxiety. It’s like Xanax. Sort of.”

  “Since when do you need medication for anxiety?” Noah growled. It was as if he was offended by even the idea of me needing medication.

  “Since…a while.” Since you’ve been gone. “And again, let me remind you. Nothing I do is any of your business anymore. You lost that right when you stopped being my husband.” I doubled over and retched but my stomach was empty so nothing came up. “Please…leave me alone. We’re going to have to talk later.” I curled up on the cold tile of the bathroom floor and prayed that he would just leave me to my humiliation.

  A few moments later, with a grunt of exertion, I was hefted up into Noah’s arms. I swallowed down my protest when his soft firm lips pressed against my forehead tenderly. “Fuck, Kyle. I didn’t know. I thought—I thought…” He trailed off as he pressed another kiss gently on my temple. I decided to let myself enjoy being in the comfort of his strong arms for the moment. His spicy, familiar scent, both teased and comforted me. I nuzzled against him and sighed contentedly. I’d think about the repercussions of my actions later. For now I only wanted to pretend that when I woke up, things would be the way they used to be.

  I drifted off, feeling at peace for the first time in years.

  5

  ~Noah

  Is it my fault? I couldn’t shake the feeling it was. Kylie, my Kyle, she seemed so put together from far away but up close I could see all the cracks. Seeing her this way is tearing my guts out. And she isn’t mine anymore, I had to remind myself. I’d let her walk out of my life for good. Hell, I’d pushed her out for her own sake because I was a broken man. I’d come back from my last tour in Iraq minus a leg and my best friend, her brother. I’d managed to stay away all those years since our divorce because I thought it was best for her. Had I been wrong?

  I brushed long blonde hair off her sleeping face and pulled a blanket over her. She was curled in the middle of her king sized bed in a tight ball. She looked so tiny, so vulnerable. It awakened all the protective instincts I had for her. Someone as broken as you can’t fix anything, let alone her. I growled under my breath because I knew it was true. The most I could do for her was my job. Keep her safe from whoever had left those dead blackbirds in her dressing room.

  Hopefully the whole thing had been a fluke, a copycat crime done by someone who thought it was funny. Or at worst, someone who wanted to scare her into canceling some shows. Conner Vreck was still behind bars. I’d checked personally. My fists clenched. That piece of shit was lucky to be alive after what he’d tried to do to Kyle. I still fantasized about finding him alone in an alley some day. Shit. I can’t think about that now. It’d taken everything in me not to go to Kyle back when that happened. Just the memory made me want to hold her in my arms all night, and to wake her by sliding—

  I stood and moved away from Kyle’s prone form. I wasn’t doing myself any favors by being so close to her. She was the one woman who could twist me up in knots. I wanted her just as fiercely as I always had. But I’d seen the guys she was with after me. None of them were scarred veterans. None of them were missing limbs. And none of them had to fight the daily effects of PTSD. “Fuuuuck,” I muttered to myself as I stabbed my hands through my hair. It’d never been a question of whether I’d help or not when Marie had called. Kyle needed me so I came. End of story. Except it wasn’t at all.

  I scanned her hotel suite, which was in complete disarray. I still couldn’t believe she’d been dumb enough to mix pills with alcohol. I was going to have to have a chat with Marie later. Surely she didn’t know about Kyle’s potentially toxic cocktails. Marie seemed like a smart woman and a dead client wouldn’t be able to pay her bills.

  Restless, I started tidying up. When I came to the coffee table, as I pocketed the pills, my gaze snagged on a notebook with Kyle’s chicken scratch all over it. I picked it up, unable to resist. Kyle’s writing process had always amazed me. How’d she’d take bits and pieces of lyrics and turn them into a full song. I knew there’d be fragments of probably half a dozen new songs on just the one page I was about to read.

  When I see you

  I just bleed through

  My heart cleaved in two

  But it’s nothing new

  No nothing new

  I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry. Were those few lines about me? Is that how she felt? Or did some part of me deep down want her to feel that way? If she still felt so raw about us then maybe it meant she still cared. She wouldn’t want you. Again I cursed the voice inside of me that spoke the truth. Kyle and me had never been together sexually since I’d lost my leg. She loved and wanted a man who’d never come back from Iraq. She’d married someone who was whole, and I wasn’t. I’d rather remember the way she used to look up at me with adoration when I was inside of her than have her mask of disgust and revulsion etched into my mind’s eye forever. I used to be able to hold her all night long, but now I’d worry about hurting her in my sleep if I had a nightmare. I never wanted to see her gaze at me with fear and regret. We just couldn’t be—no matter how much I wanted her. Because I’ve never stopped wanting her, not even for a second.

  I set her notebook aside not wanting to see what else she’d written. I didn’t have the right to her inner most thoughts, her raw emotions before she made them ready for public consumption. The man that deserved that part of her hadn’t come back from Iraq either.

  My phone rang almost as soon as I’d slipped out of Kyle’s room, her still fast asleep. I wanted to check on a few things before she woke up. “Yeah,” I answered, knowing it was my right hand man and friend, Billy. “What’s up?”

  “We got something here you might wanna check out.” I opened my mouth to ask him where he was but he beat me to the punch line, which was one of the reasons why he was my right hand man. “I’m in the mailroom, basement.”

  “Be right there.” I ended the call and took off at a sprint. Or at least I tried. I cursed my own vanity under my breath. Usually I wore a more user friendly prosthetic, one built for speed, but knowing I was going to be around Kyle had made me pick the more life like limb. I’d thought I’d finally made peace with my predicament, but apparently not.

  When I reached the mailroom I met Billy’s dark gaze. “I came to pick up her mail like you said, and this package stuck out at me right away. I don’t know how it didn’t to anyone else. That in itself makes me suspicious.”

  I nodded as I approached the small table where stacks of mail for Kyle rested along side a medium-sized square box. The box itself looked normal enough but it had leaked dark liquid into the cardboard, making it soft and droopy around the bottom edges. Billy handed me a pair of latex gloves, which I snapped on before I touched anything. I picked up a box cutter and gingerly opened the package. “Fuck,” I gagged out, the pungent odor knocking into me like a punch to the face. “There’s somethin’ dead in there.” And I had a
pretty good feeling I knew what it was…more birds. “Call the cops. I want ‘em to try and get what they can from this. Maybe whoever it is got sloppy and left some evidence behind.”

  Billy’s big baldhead glinted in the light as he nodded. “Got it, chief.”

  “I’m gonna head back up to check on Kyle. This whole thing is makin’ me nervous.”

  Billy raised his eyebrows and flashed me a quick grin. “We’ve seen worse. It’s because it’s Kylie. But go ahead, chief. I’ll handle this when the cops get here.”

  I grimaced. Billy was right. The dead bird spiel was amateur stuff, we’d seen tons worse with other clients. I wouldn’t even normally consider the birds a threat, just harassment. The fact that it involved Kyle changed everything. “Thanks.” Anxiety twisted my gut. I was driven by the irrational need to check on her even though I knew she was safe in her suite with two guards posted outside the door. I hurried back to her.

  6

  ~Kylie

  Noah was gone when I woke up, but his scent and presence lingered. I knew him with his damn OCD wouldn’t have been able to sit still until my suite was spotless. Who would have ever thought something that had always grated on my nerves would be something that I missed? I guess when you love somebody that’s just the way of things. You even miss their bad habits because you miss all of them. You can’t have the good without the bad, and some days even the bad seems pretty good.

  My cell phone rang, causing me to jump. Glancing at the caller I.D. I groaned. Mikah Cooper, one of my exes was calling. Fabulous. He probably smelled the publicity from the recent dead bird incident and was foaming at the mouth to share some of the spotlight. If he spent even half as much time perfecting his craft of acting instead of obsessing over publicity, he’d already be where he wanted to be with his career.